Lemonade & Soul Loss
written by Gini Breidenbach
Master Practitioner of Shamanic Energy Medicine
Below you will find an excerpt written by Gini; we will be starting a series of blog posts from each of us, so stay tuned. Each will be different….with different types of information and stories. We hope you learn from us and our experiences….and we hope with each post, we pass a small tidbit along to you.
My children and I are sitting on the floor of their bedroom reading a book together. Anders, age 2, is on my left. Aurora, age 4, is on my right. She’s wearing one of the dresses with a soft t-shirt top and a brightly patterned skirt that my mom made her. Anders is sucking his thumb as he listens to the story… What would he do without that thumb?
The kids have chosen a book called Alex’s Lemonade Stand, a book we’ve read many times together over the past year or so. Reading this book is hard for me. Each time I have to choke down the tears that want to well up, but I manage to get through it with a mostly steady voice. It’s a story about a little girl with cancer named Alex who decided to have lemonade stands to help other kids with cancer.
This time, when we get to the end of the story, Aurora looks at the photo of Alex and her lemonade stand on the back of the book. She asks what happened to Alex. My heart drops. Here is the moment. I explain to Aurora that Alex had cancer and that she passed away. Aurora’s eyes get wider than I’ve ever seen them. In a split second, I see her connect the dots: Alex had cancer. Alex died. My brother has cancer. My brother might die. And then she bursts into uncontrollable tears.
I gather Aurora and Anders into my lap and hold them like there is no tomorrow.
Aurora was not quite three when Anders was diagnosed with retinoblastoma, a childhood cancer of the retinas that he had in both eyes, at the age of nine months. Three isn’t old enough to understand what death is. Three is old enough to want to help by bringing the band aid when the nurse comes to the house to poke your baby brother’s finger with a needle and draw blood a couple of times a week. Three is old enough to know that your mommy has to go on an airplane to take your brother to the hospital and that she won’t be home for a while. And also that this happens a lot. Three is old enough to know that there are things called germs that can make your brother really sick so you have to wash your hands all the time. Four is old enough to understand what death is.
Years later, Aurora is suffering from incredible abdominal pain. Conventional tests can’t figure out what’s wrong. I finally take her to our trusted naturopath (why didn’t I do this first?!). Her stomach lining is badly inflamed. She has new food sensitivities. We have to do a radical diet change. But there’s more. She needs spiritual healing work.
The medicine woman is a dear friend. She has opened sacred space, calling in all the helping spirits and the four directions before we arrive. Aurora lays on the bed. I sit next to her. The sound of the elk skin drum is powerful and mesmerizing. The medicine woman journeys into the hidden realms to see what is needed while we wait. When she returns from her journey, she has a soul part to give to Aurora to make her whole. She says that Aurora had been terrified that her family would die. This was contributing to her illness. The medicine woman blows the soul part and also a rabbit into Aurora’s heart space. The rabbit will help her reclaim her sense of play that was lost with the terror. I am grateful beyond words to this woman for her wisdom and her healing for my child.
Soul retrieval is one of the primary interventions in shamanic energy medicine work. Soul loss can happen when we experience traumatic events. A part of our soul goes away for safe keeping and it waits until we are ready for it to come back. This happens most often unconsciously, but it can also be conscious. What remains is a wounded part that we see the world through. Anytime something similar to the original wound happens, the wounded part is activated and responds. For Aurora, this meant unconsciously living in fear that her family would die.
Aurora’s tummy starts to heal. The pain goes away within a few days. We laugh at the hilarious faces she makes when she’s drinking all the green juices that are medicine for her belly and have fun experimenting with new recipes for food that feels good when she eats it. I make sure she knows I am there for her, loving her all the way through her healing and for the rest of ever.
Years later, I connect the dots myself. Aurora’s soul part fled that day we sat together reading Alex’s Lemonade Stand.
Dear Alex, I am with you. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
